boyinakage
from chaos comes clarity
general ftm grip #548.908: identity
bisexual in my small-small-small town, there is absolutely 0 gay community. i graduated with 2 gay men and one other lesbian. but nobody is tg.
there is no tg community and maybe that's okay. even in the surrounding areas, nobody knows of an ftms that i can think of. there's 2 others that i know, but one is getting his final surgery this year...the other is already starting T. i'm the one that's left behind.
anyway, the transition is going well. i'm getting more and more confident in my identity as a male. i find that i get more looks from men and women now. more looks of attraction. now, i'm happily in bliss with shawna, so nobody think that means anything else. i just see the looks from others that i had not previously gotten when i ID'd as a female and a lesbian.
but what i think i'm mostly afraid of is that it has taken me so long to be comfortably, actively a lesbian...that i may lose what it took so very long to build up. i am mostly afraid that i will lose the gay community at large by "crossing-over" and making the transition.
in a way, i'll always be a lesbian...i'm keeping my plumbing (except the ovaries and that internal junk). but in the same sense, i will also be a straight man...maybe a bisexual man. i'm not attracted to bioguys (that would be biological men...born male)...but i am very attracted to transboys like myself (other ftms)...and not the burly types...but the smooth, gentle, "gayboy" types...like myself. *sigh* maybe i'll ID as a bisexual male?
I don't know or care at this point. all i know is i'm going to take this one step at a time and cross every bridge without burning it...for as long as i can hold it off.
-kage jonas
there is no tg community and maybe that's okay. even in the surrounding areas, nobody knows of an ftms that i can think of. there's 2 others that i know, but one is getting his final surgery this year...the other is already starting T. i'm the one that's left behind.
anyway, the transition is going well. i'm getting more and more confident in my identity as a male. i find that i get more looks from men and women now. more looks of attraction. now, i'm happily in bliss with shawna, so nobody think that means anything else. i just see the looks from others that i had not previously gotten when i ID'd as a female and a lesbian.
but what i think i'm mostly afraid of is that it has taken me so long to be comfortably, actively a lesbian...that i may lose what it took so very long to build up. i am mostly afraid that i will lose the gay community at large by "crossing-over" and making the transition.
in a way, i'll always be a lesbian...i'm keeping my plumbing (except the ovaries and that internal junk). but in the same sense, i will also be a straight man...maybe a bisexual man. i'm not attracted to bioguys (that would be biological men...born male)...but i am very attracted to transboys like myself (other ftms)...and not the burly types...but the smooth, gentle, "gayboy" types...like myself. *sigh* maybe i'll ID as a bisexual male?
I don't know or care at this point. all i know is i'm going to take this one step at a time and cross every bridge without burning it...for as long as i can hold it off.
-kage jonas
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