okay, okay. that's a lie. i WAS asleep, now I just can't go BACK to sleep.

I was watching youtube vids (as i usually do) and came across one by a tgirl talking about the horrific murder of this other tgirl in new york.

here's the basics...

the girl was 18 years old. she was not only beaten near to death with a sledge hammer...gang-raped...and buried alive. after her assailants left her for dead, she crawled out of the tomb they made her on BROKEN knee caps for THREE god-damned hours until someone found her and rushed her to ICU...where she died. from organ failure from the brutal beating.

how can a human being (or beings) have that much hatred and fear in their hearts that they could murder someone else...not just murder....bludgeon....another human being to a NEAR death state...and then bury them alive. and if it's not INSULTING enough...let's rape her too...a whole fucking gang of us.

it's tragic. all the hate in this world is so tragic and terrible and truly frightening.

it's gotten to the point that i don't even like to take the trash out in the dark when i'm alone. like i'm afraid whatever horrible monsters there are out there are lurking in my little town and going to come for me eventually. but shawna is even more frightened for me. she tenses visibly when i say i'm going to smoke at the bar...because it's a dark patio and anything could happen. and who could blame her?

i have no desire to kill myself...and absolutely no desire for anyone else to do it for me.

people make me fucking sick.

-kage jonas