boyinakage
Oderint dum metuant.
to those who no longer care
sometimes i remember how we said we'd never not be there.
i realize now that i haven't been. i can't make enough excuses to cover it.
but it goes both ways.
blood is blood?
the family that i have built around these hollow bones has been far more supportive than i think you could ever be.
that's not to say, that i don't still love you...that i don't still think about you every day. but something says that you don't love me anymore...something in my core. and it makes my heart hurt.
every time i see your faces...smiling...without me...i die a little more.
but i push on because i know somewhere deeply hidden inside you...i hang on to the thin hope that you might just miss me too.
this is my solemn wish...
that you still do.
i realize now that i haven't been. i can't make enough excuses to cover it.
but it goes both ways.
blood is blood?
the family that i have built around these hollow bones has been far more supportive than i think you could ever be.
that's not to say, that i don't still love you...that i don't still think about you every day. but something says that you don't love me anymore...something in my core. and it makes my heart hurt.
every time i see your faces...smiling...without me...i die a little more.
but i push on because i know somewhere deeply hidden inside you...i hang on to the thin hope that you might just miss me too.
this is my solemn wish...
that you still do.
No fears - afraid
My Christmas Wish
This holiday season, I know times are tough for a lot of people. But all I want for Christmas (well, The Solstice) is to have the down payment saved up for my chest reconstruction. That's a tall order, seeing how it's $1,000 and all. But through determination and selling my handmade crocheted products...I think it's totally do-able.
If you'd like to help and would like to see some of the fine, quality handcrafting I've done...and would perhaps like to get your hands on a unique, one-of-a-kind gift made with love....
Click Here!
This is something that I have been dreaming of for so long that I can almost touch it. If you don't have the money to afford one of my items, please don't hesitate to
Click Here!
My scarves start out at: $5 dog/cat scarves and $10 toddler scarves...and move to $15 for simple adult scarves, peaking at more intricate adult scarves and extra long ones at $20.
So they're affordable and they make great gifts. I also have afghans for purchase...but these would be made to order as they take a longer time to make. If you would like to purchase one of the above, please contact me through the facebook group page...or even comment this entry and let me know what you'd like!
If you need to make a payment for a project, please
Click Here! and leave instructions for the product or a personal note with the payment!
Thank you for believing in me and for helping me to achieve all of my dreams!
you've been most supportive, Mindsay, and I thank you.
-kage jonas
If you'd like to help and would like to see some of the fine, quality handcrafting I've done...and would perhaps like to get your hands on a unique, one-of-a-kind gift made with love....
Click Here!
This is something that I have been dreaming of for so long that I can almost touch it. If you don't have the money to afford one of my items, please don't hesitate to
Click Here!
My scarves start out at: $5 dog/cat scarves and $10 toddler scarves...and move to $15 for simple adult scarves, peaking at more intricate adult scarves and extra long ones at $20.
So they're affordable and they make great gifts. I also have afghans for purchase...but these would be made to order as they take a longer time to make. If you would like to purchase one of the above, please contact me through the facebook group page...or even comment this entry and let me know what you'd like!
If you need to make a payment for a project, please
Click Here! and leave instructions for the product or a personal note with the payment!
Thank you for believing in me and for helping me to achieve all of my dreams!
you've been most supportive, Mindsay, and I thank you.
-kage jonas
well..
well, a lot has been happening as of late.
i gave Uno a haircut:
he's posing to show you his new lioncut....
anyway... i digress.
i'm currently doing my first straight play (aka not a musical) in the community theater i have done in a looong time. it's by Christopher Durang...a one act called "Titanic". basically...it's a social commentary on the people aboard Titanic that were too concerned with being proper and loaded...and died because they were so confident that so much money simply couldn't sink. it's also wildly sexual...again, i digress.
but it opens friday.
also, i've been enjoying a nice vacation from work. not having to go to work...it's a wonderful feeling.
a feeling that i simply do NOT want to end.
Oh! Uno is going to be a daddy! before Mom died, she had wanted nothing more than to see her dog (Patches) and Uno have babies. Well...we bred them. and Patches is HUUUUGE!
here's Patches as a reference:
she was very tired....lol.
but these are simply going to be the cutest little chihuahuas i can ever imagine. it's going to be difficult only keeping one...this i know.
ah, well.
kage jonas
i gave Uno a haircut:
he's posing to show you his new lioncut....
anyway... i digress.
i'm currently doing my first straight play (aka not a musical) in the community theater i have done in a looong time. it's by Christopher Durang...a one act called "Titanic". basically...it's a social commentary on the people aboard Titanic that were too concerned with being proper and loaded...and died because they were so confident that so much money simply couldn't sink. it's also wildly sexual...again, i digress.
but it opens friday.
also, i've been enjoying a nice vacation from work. not having to go to work...it's a wonderful feeling.
a feeling that i simply do NOT want to end. Oh! Uno is going to be a daddy! before Mom died, she had wanted nothing more than to see her dog (Patches) and Uno have babies. Well...we bred them. and Patches is HUUUUGE!
here's Patches as a reference:
she was very tired....lol.
but these are simply going to be the cutest little chihuahuas i can ever imagine. it's going to be difficult only keeping one...this i know.
ah, well.
kage jonas
getting stronger
some of my best of friends donated $210 to mom's cremation. i hope enough donations come in that my dad doesn't have to spend anything more on it. it would be nice for him not to have to pay anything more.
plenty of people have confirmed my address and are sending checks. every little bit helps and i'm grateful to even have people willing to help out like that.
my mom touched a lot of lives and i guess i never really knew just how many until now.
and my friends have all banded together in a giant mom-like voice to make sure i'm "eating, bathing and living"...and i remind them gently that i have a wife...who is also a mother. lol. so yeah, i'm taking care of myself still.
things are getting easier as the days continue. it doesn't bring mom back, but then again, she's with my brothers and her parents now. she's where she needs to be. they need her now more than i do. i think it's sunken in now that she is gone. but i try to remember the good memories and i test myself on just how many i can take at once without bursting into tears.
it's rough sometimes, but i know i can handle it.
this has made me realize though, that life is too damned short to not do the things that you want...so i went with my friend xtina two days ago and did laundry...and randomly...got my septum pierced. he almost had to pierce it twice because the needle got stuck for some odd reason to the clamps and came out when he removed the clamp. weird. but he charged me $30 instead of $60 for the mild trauma of blood dripping out of my nose. lol. i tipped him $10 for acting quickly and calmly and not fucking my face up.
it looks pretty sweet i think!
new 1" ring in my left ear, new septum ring, back to my natural haircolor (beard/red head) and back to the mohawk! lol
hanging in there,
kage jonas
plenty of people have confirmed my address and are sending checks. every little bit helps and i'm grateful to even have people willing to help out like that.
my mom touched a lot of lives and i guess i never really knew just how many until now.
and my friends have all banded together in a giant mom-like voice to make sure i'm "eating, bathing and living"...and i remind them gently that i have a wife...who is also a mother. lol. so yeah, i'm taking care of myself still.
things are getting easier as the days continue. it doesn't bring mom back, but then again, she's with my brothers and her parents now. she's where she needs to be. they need her now more than i do. i think it's sunken in now that she is gone. but i try to remember the good memories and i test myself on just how many i can take at once without bursting into tears.
it's rough sometimes, but i know i can handle it.
this has made me realize though, that life is too damned short to not do the things that you want...so i went with my friend xtina two days ago and did laundry...and randomly...got my septum pierced. he almost had to pierce it twice because the needle got stuck for some odd reason to the clamps and came out when he removed the clamp. weird. but he charged me $30 instead of $60 for the mild trauma of blood dripping out of my nose. lol. i tipped him $10 for acting quickly and calmly and not fucking my face up.
it looks pretty sweet i think!
new 1" ring in my left ear, new septum ring, back to my natural haircolor (beard/red head) and back to the mohawk! lol
hanging in there,
kage jonas
mom
my mother passed away on monday.
i was at work and my dad called me.
it's still like some sad, stupid joke. i can't stop crying randomly..but you'll have that.
i just remember little things and i'm done for.
so yeah.
at least my mom got to see my get married to the love of my life. and she saw me graduate high school...and become the person i've always wanted to be. and she supported my every step 100% with no questions asked.
my last words to her were friday night when i was dropping my dog off and heading off to pride in cleveland. i kissed her on the cheek and told her "i love you, mom". probably the best thing she could have ever wanted to be the end of our last conversation.
i keep thinking about how i could have stayed longer than just to drop uno off. i could have sat down and held her. i could have had her hold me. because that's all i want right now. i just...want my mommy.
-kage
i was at work and my dad called me.
it's still like some sad, stupid joke. i can't stop crying randomly..but you'll have that.
i just remember little things and i'm done for.
so yeah.
at least my mom got to see my get married to the love of my life. and she saw me graduate high school...and become the person i've always wanted to be. and she supported my every step 100% with no questions asked.
my last words to her were friday night when i was dropping my dog off and heading off to pride in cleveland. i kissed her on the cheek and told her "i love you, mom". probably the best thing she could have ever wanted to be the end of our last conversation.
i keep thinking about how i could have stayed longer than just to drop uno off. i could have sat down and held her. i could have had her hold me. because that's all i want right now. i just...want my mommy.
-kage
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